ABSTRACT
This chapter defines the demon lover complex, and then describes the three ways it is constellated in the psyche of a woman. It exposes the powerful effects of the complex at personal, cultural, and archetypal levels of consciousness. Even if a woman has not personally been touched by sexual violence, living in a patriarchal culture will necessarily reflect “the rape of her feminine essence” in her inner world of dreams, fantasies, and romantic attachments. Once the demon lover archetype is activated, it requires enormous effort to reclaim one’s life. Transforming the demon lover and breaking the death marriage bond may provide the psychic force necessary to sever the pattern of repetition compulsion commonly seen in victims of trauma, break the intergenerational transmission of trauma passed down through the ancestral line, and help uncover more authentic images of the feminine.
The chapter outlines the nine stages of breaking the demon lover complex and connects the stages to the individuation journey of women through dreams. Research in the fields of depth psychology, violence, and trauma are referenced at most stages to support the inner psychic movement. The stages are as follows: possession; omnipotent control over the demon lover; breaking the bonds; re-experiencing the trauma; reclaiming the victim—the movement from fantasy to reality; honoring the demon lover; seeing through to the wounded masculine; transformation of the demon lover to the beloved; and initiation/the happy arrival. The chapter amplifies the personal and cultural experience of the violation of women to the mythic level through the Demeter-Persephone-Hades myth and the Eleusinian Mysteries.
