ABSTRACT
Of all the overlooked incongruities of family living one that often goes unnoticed is the mistaken notion that communication between family members is the alpha and omega-tbe beginning and the end-all important and bigger than life. Tune into the popular self help talk shows and you will likely hear a mental health profes sional proclaim communication as being at the core of family har mony. Read practically any of the popular books about improving interpersonal relationships and you will see how people in families allegedly "need to have open communication. " It is often true that the closer you come to a goal 's ideals, the more tarnished its reali ties become. The glittering that communication represents is no exception. This chapter begs to differ with the communication experts who idealize the advantageous role of communication in family relationship building. It exposes the dangerous realities of communication without first pursuing tolerance training. It main tains that teaching and promoting good communication in families is only a fraction of the relationship improvement value. It asks and answers the question, "What good are family communication skills if members are (a) too disturbed to use them to begin with and (b) overreact to what they might hear when they don't understand how to listen?"
