ABSTRACT
Long before I developed a gay identity, I suffered the effects of growing up as a fat male child. My earliest memories are rife with adults' conversations about my weight, what I ate, how much I ate, and how great it would be if I would only turn away second helpings, stay away from sweets, get some exercise, or just lose a little weight. Since kids do not expect fat kids to be good at sports, I escaped being labeled a faggot, queer, or sissy. When my incipient sexual feelings drove me to look up the word “homosexual" in the dictionary, I knew it had dangerous implications for who I was and what I was going to be; and I was already gaining and losing weight.
