Movement into New Territory
The fantasy of having sex with another masculine man occurred after about six months of our work together and appeared to be something of a culmination or-perhaps-a fulfillment of a direction that our dialogue had taken soon after the first session. It marked the opening of a new realm of feeling and potential experience. Initially, Clark had told me that virtually all of his fantasies prior to our first session had been about women. But he now told me,
Let's say I'm masturbating and fantasizing about a girl and right in the midst of a climax or ejaculation, a male will pop into my mind. This happens occasionally, right in the midst of an orgasm. It would go from one fantasy to another, and all of a sudden I'm fantasizing about some guy sucking me off or me fucking him-. at the moment of orgasm! Before even speaking to you this would happen. I used to say to myself, "What the fuck am I doing, man? What the hell is going on?" It never happened on the outside. It happens quite frequently. I never looked at it. I think it involves the fantasies I have, involving male and female. I think it reflects on that. I didn't lose my arousal or erection. Why would it come up like that?