ABSTRACT
When personal shadow material emerges in any act the person engaged in that act will inevitably be unconscious of the underlying motivations involved and may prefer to remain in apparently blissful ignorance. However, any thought, feeling or behaviour that is driven by unconscious forces also provides an opportunity for growth, a window through which the shadow is visible, if sometimes only for a moment. As counsellors we will probably all have felt the frustration of working with a client who insists on remaining oblivious to the impact of their unconscious in their everyday life, one example of this being those individuals who seem able to form relationships only with partners who treat them appallingly. For some this may happen over and over again before they are willing to consider the possibility that they may be playing some part in this process. It often remains a long road from that first recognition until the stage when the pattern can be broken, either by opting to be single or by forming a relationship in which they are treated respectfully. In the meantime as the counsellor we may have to endure repeated occasions of helplessly watching as our client once more creates a situation that results in great suffering and in some cases physical danger for them. With a person in such a predicament we have to remind ourselves that they will only be able to recognise the pattern when they are ready. Meanwhile if we try to describe what we see them doing before they are ready our good-intentioned observations are likely to be transformed into self-recrimination. This in turn can further fuel the underlying belief that they are a bad person and deserve to be treated as such. Great patience is required, for it is seldom predictable when a particular individual will start to recognise the unconscious at work in their lives.
