ABSTRACT

My response to that question is ‘no’, and that would appear to end the conversation. But from my family in a wider sense I know something about the many possible positive answers to such questions. The traditional answer, implying a married couple with one or two children is just one alternative. Divorce has become quite common, resulting in split families. But a divorce may be followed by remarriage to a new spouse, who may or may not have been married before, with or without children from a previous marriage. To complicate matters further, at least in the Scandinavian countries, couples living in co-habitation without formal marriage are so common that they as a matter of course are considered to constitute ‘family’. And to continue the list of possible answers, again with the Scandinavian countries in the forefront, some countries have established a legal ‘partnership’ between individuals of the same sex, with similar rights and obligations as married couples without children. So, to say that ‘I don’t have a family of my own’ might imply a great variety of possible paths that I have not chosen. In order that people should not pity me as a person who has failed in an area with strong cultural expectations, I sometimes add: ‘But I have a family of friends!’ I then tell

them about my close network of male friends who share many of the same functions as family members do: emotional and practical support, celebrations of holidays and personal feast days, long time commitments.