Phillips and Taylor ask why the pleasures of care astonish us. 1 Paradoxically, disclosing the joys of nurture and custody almost appears as an obscene revelation, as if it were some sad compensatory strategy. Seeing things from a different perspective, Janet Soskice maintains that only if we can be made capable of loving, if we can be truly ‘lovely’ creatures, we can fully live the experience
of being loved. 2 The rationale of this whole approach points to the necessity of recovering our frequently silenced desires for being actively protective and responsive. Not only is our propensity for kindness and custody vulnerable to obscurity, but also its exclusion/forclusion is not even regarded as a worthy problem. Our erotic Eros is perhaps not enough; even a satisfying sexual life may not be quite enough. We also need something different. We in fact strive to feel caring and loving, even though this longing is often ignored. Similarly, it would be futile, for instance, to try to appease a heterosexual male adolescent with offers of delicious food. He will be silently raging in his desire for a beautiful girl – or even not so beautiful. Similarly, we may want to really care.