ABSTRACT
If I had to give a single reason why life with Jon became unbearable, I would say it was my growing feeling of guilt. I already had a tendency to feel guilty well before meeting my husband. But after I married, this tendency prevailed. I felt guilty because I could neither ease his suffering nor give him the confidence he lacked so dramatically. But most of all I felt guilty because I began to resent the endless struggle of dealing with Jon's strange world and the endless daily complications it brought about. The strain of being the only link between him and the outside world, of having to translate his behavior to our daughters, of not being able to talk to them without being accused of collusion, of having to adapt to his unpredictable moods and having to live with ghosts, all those wore me down .... I felt like fleeing from this situation, but how could I abandon him? ... I became increasingly snappy and irritable. And the nastier I became, the guiltier I felt. We were caught in a vicious circle. (Schizophrenia Bulletin, 1994, p. 229)
The preceding quotation is from the wife of a psychotic husband whose disorder caused moderate impairment in his overall functioning, but severe disruption in the marriage. She was willing to offer her insights about what it was like to be married to a man who frequently believed "they were out to get him." She articulates her self-doubt, guilt, and feelings of isolation more clearly than many clinicians have stated it in more "professional" or "clinical" terms.
