ABSTRACT
I believe that there are two reasons why it can be easier to rekindle intimacy when a couple experiences indelity. First is emotion. Couples who come to counseling following an aair are usually full of emotion. Oen, in the beginning, it is negative emotion. Unfortunately, many couples counselors are uncomfortable with negative emotions, and, as a result, they try too hard to soothe the clients and smooth things other. at is the wrong thing to do. e couple will either stie the (negative) emotion, or end therapy in frustration. Instead, the clinician needs to nd creative and constructive ways of helping the couple channel and understand their emotional reactions, how it got them into their predicament, and how it can get them out it and into deeper intimacy. To do this, however, requires that couples counselors think in a dierent way about therapy and about emotions (again, part of some my writing has been devoted to this, but is beyond the scope of this chapter to expand on).
