ABSTRACT
Having a sense of control, the assumption that we are essentially safe and can influence what happens to us, is an important component of feeling confident and secure in the world. As discussed in The Aftermath of the shattered House of Refracting Glass (Chapter 3), the disintegration of assumptions regarding benevolence, justice, and purposefulness, bereaved parents faced a minacious world feeling exposed and helpless. Mired in this existential chaos, they struggled to continue parenting and wrestled with complex issues created by their impotence in the face of potential and unthinkable danger-that another of their children might die. This chapter focuses on parental lack of control and reactions to this ominous situation including “controlling all you can,” protectiveness/possessiveness of surviving children, the struggle to balance contagious safety concerns with fostering a child’s independence and autonomy, a reordering of parenting priorities, and the challenge of effectively managing their surviving children’s fear, vulnerability, and perturbation that inevitably follow a sibling’s death.
