ABSTRACT
Parents are not the only ones profoundly impacted by a child’s death as siblings are also scarred by this onerous loss. Due to the unique qualities of the sibling relationship, the death of a sister or brother has varied and long-lasting consequences (Riches & Dawson, 2000). In addition, surviving siblings suffer numerous secondary losses in the form of their parents’ functional incapacity and the demise of the comforting safety, security, and predictability their family provided. For parents engulfed in grief, attempts at parenting are further complicated by the reality that, not unlike themselves, their children have been fundamentally and irrevocably changed by the confrontation with death. The data revealed parenting bereaved children to be a complex and daunting task that involved sensitively responding to the child’s loss-induced personality transformations; repeatedly revisiting the loss over time; appreciating and adjusting to their children’s differing grieving styles; grappling with the task of parenting a sole, bereaved child; emphasizing open communication; tolerating the helplessness of not being able to shelter their offspring from such horrific life experiences; and adequately addressing “why” the death occurred, or attempting to make sense of a senseless and incomprehensible event. In the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges to their parenting skills, and at a time when they felt diminished and least capable, it is not surprising that many sought professional help for their children and themselves. This chapter also delves into the children’s
perspective on their parents’ changed parenting styles, as imagined by the mothers and fathers in our study. Finally, the want of another child is discussed.
