ABSTRACT
In the seventh session Inez related some incidents where Fernando had dismissed and hurt her (Inez, the more withdrawn partner, is becoming more engaged and opening up). When the therapist validated Inez’ feelings of anger Fernando stood up to leave the session, saying: “This isn’t working and I’m not going to sit here and listen to you two gang up on me.” The therapist focused on process, and described how this was the point in the cycle in which Fernando felt hurt and typically withdrew. She asked Fernando if he could take the risk of staying and talking about the hurt. Fernando agreed to sit down and stay. He then began to take risks and the therapy process entered Step 5. With the therapist’s help and support, he described his anxiety and owned feeling that he was inadequate, even as he compared himself with Inez whom he saw as immensely strong. He told her that he realized that he did indeed put her down, and this was because he felt so bad about himself. He then described the extreme difficulty he had at work. He explained that, when he brushed past Inez at the end of the day and went down to the basement, he went there to try to compose himself before facing his family. He would sit by his workbench and try to soothe himself, “putting back the armour that got stripped off that day at work.”
