ABSTRACT
I don’t go in for hobbies. I’m inclined towards obsessions. Regular exercise, provided by walking, aerobics, swimming or working-out, is a good example. It is not gentle or comfortable. It is strenuous, demanding and repetitive, stimulating, exciting and ultimately, relaxing. And I do it compulsively as this gives me pleasure. I’m also a vegetarian and have been called obsessive in my dependence upon porridge and molasses, and my love of broccoli. When I read novels, I become consumed by a narrative and can’t put the book down. Once completed, I then seek out another work by the same author until I have consumed all her work. I have collected frogs, hands, and cacti. I can also be obsessive about clothes, and spend compulsively in a short burst. At the same time, I am a frugal person. I like to save money and to manage on a little. This tendency is quite helpful when managing a School budget in today’s financial climate. Evidence of sharp contrasts between types of behaviour and attitudes emerges as I consider my life and career to date. Effecting a balance between the public profile presented to friends and colleagues and the private person revealed to few is inevitably difficult, and the public persona is likely to dominate. Other contrasts emerge: being both bossy and conciliatory in nature; being creative and
expressive while methodical and well organized; seeking approval while wanting to be naughty; fiercely protecting my privacy and independence while relentlessly projecting a gregarious and strong public image. I was born and brought up in Lancashire, mostly in and around Accrington, famous only for the demise of its football team, Accrington Stanley. My background can be described as working class, Northern and Methodist. My father was a policeman, my paternal grandfather had a military history; strictness and discipline underpinned a kind and supportive family environment. My mum did not have a career, and has always expressed a view of herself as unintelligent. However, she always seemed to have a job; in the market; in school canteens; various shops. Both my parents worked hard to sustain a small family of two daughters, of which I was the elder. My dad is a sensitive and kind man, with musical and artistic interests. We used to paint together until, around adolescence, I became a little more skilled than he was, and he abruptly stopped. We have always been competitive, as if each of us needed someone to provide that kind of stimulus. He would have liked a son, but his elder daughter fulfilled some of the requirements, except that she was very soft. In the early years, we used to wrestle, in a light-hearted way, but I wasn’t up to it. I’ve always had a strong fear of physical pain. Methodist chapel was a regular feature, as was the Sunday school, and, for a short time, the church youth club. The Methodist influence was inherited from my mum’s family, who came from Cumbria. My nanna, her mother, was a good, practising Methodist who saw no evil in anyone, and was gracious, kind and generous in a context of relative poverty. My mum’s attitude to the church was more wary, and she influenced me substantially with her impatience and intolerance of the hypocrisy of church elders. My dad did not go to church, and has been pretty agnostic and critical for most of his life until recently, having begun to search for a faith in ‘something’.
