ABSTRACT
The psychiatrist Anna Ornstein wrote that one way to understand mental illness and aggression is to simply view so-called disorders as ill-fated attempts to feel whole. This chapter explores how excessive anger and violence are the psychological costs when children do not sufficiently experience idealization, empathy, and belonging—the key ingredients in a healthy, restorative relationship. Anger is part of the human experience. It is as important an emotion as joy, love, excitement, fear, and sadness. Anger provides a cohesive function, mimicking a sense of togetherness or an emotional bond. Psychology has had different assumptions regarding aggression. Aggression can be understood as a state that can serve to temporarily offer the aggressor a feeling of power. Ironically, when children use aggression to be understood, the less others want to accept them—a vicious cycle may then ensue with more aggression and anger followed by more regression and withdrawal from peers, parents, and teachers.
