ABSTRACT
This chapter begins with reframing conflict for couples and then move on to acts of sharing responsibility, evaluating expectations for change, adjusting behavior, and modeling transformation. It describes the relationship change is tied to the couple’s ability to share responsibility and model transformation. This type of change is done explicitly in the service of one’s partner. Helping couples change at the request of their partners, though, is new territory. Once clarity is achieved about how the requesting partner contributes to the dynamic, counselors can move to the receiving partner. Ask them what needs they are hearing from their partner, and how they see themselves contributing to them going unmet. The best way to influence one’s partner in this case is to lead by example and demonstrate commitment to change. For sharing responsibility to work, each partner must recognize their role in the problematic dynamic and accept responsibility for their part in moving the relationship forward.
