ABSTRACT
The author asks why intimate, loving relationships are experienced by some of her clients as an emotional danger zone, requiring all sorts of defence strategies to combat their fear of intimacy. She looks at some basic concepts from John Bowlby and attachment theory, such as the importance of a secure base and a responsive mother or caregiver to enable young children to develop a sense of emotional well-being and the courage to develop satisfying relationships with others. She discusses the discovery of four attachment styles: secure, insecure-ambivalent, insecure-avoidant, and disorganised. She looks to Chris Fraley and Phillip Shaver’s research paper ‘Adult Romantic Attachment’ (2000) for insights into how these attachment styles may affect behaviour in love relationships in later life. Her case studies show how attachment theory has informed her understanding of her clients’ sexual relationships, and how it also provides insights into the dynamics of the relationship between herself and her clients in the intimacy of the consulting room. Finally, she adds a caveat: whilst attachment theory has been useful in her work, she questions fitting clients into four pigeonholes. The subject of adult love and sexual relationships is too complex for a single theory.
