ABSTRACT
More than restless; agitated. I was spending more and more time managing the activities and concerns of a growing company, rather than working directly with customers and writing code. But my discontent was deeper than that. Though I was looked upon by my peers as successful, I was sinking into a classic mid-life funk, wondering
is this all there is
? We had lost two children to a mysterious malady. Richard T. Lilly III, whom
we called “Timmy,” had died in 1964 at age six; and Shawn Andrew in 1969 when he was seven. Their illnesses went undiagnosed while we struggled to care and comfort them. (It was subsequently determined that they had died of Reye's Syndrome.) During this period, I was drinking heavily and there was stress in my marriage. Growing up as the first-born son, I had always labored to please others, my parents-my father, especially. I was used to setting the bar impossibly high, and just as used to finding little praise or encouragement-or satisfaction-in clearing it. As an adult and a parent, I expected a
lot from others, perhaps too much, especially from my family, but never more than I expected from myself. I was a hard task master, but never so hard as on myself. But after getting Software International up on its feet, what with the circumstances that surrounded my life at the time, I felt a deep emptiness. There was little joy or comfort in my work, nor in my life.
