ABSTRACT
Couples act as ‘hidden regulators’ of one another’s feelings, available to be activated at times of adversity. Where there is attachment injury, the ‘injured’ and resentful partner needs to be helped to tell his or her story in vivid detail. From an attachment perspective, two necessary and related therapeutic skills stand out. First is the capacity to help couples to begin to ‘mentalizes’ – to see themselves from the outside and others from the inside. Second is the capacity to help couples see their relationship, and the family as a whole, as entities in their own right, separate from the individuals who make them up. Attachment research shows that it is only when the attachment dynamic is quietened that a child can return to exploratory play and learning. A comparable attachment impasse is a common basis for marital difficulties and breakdown.
