ABSTRACT
The couple relationship is largely defined as a private, intimate and almost secret arrangement. The intensity and complexity of the challenge is all too apparent – for couples, children and therapists. The couple needs to be able to move towards a dynamic where partners feel they are being listened to, understood, and supported, with the therapist acting as intermediary. The adoptive parents are expected to facilitate that recovery through appropriate and sensitive parenting, but there can be a view that they remain neutral as they rise to the challenge. The sense of personal failure, the potential for blame and recriminations and the sense of loss and grief for both individuals and between the couple are powerful. Care seeking with an expectation of care giving is a primary driver, although the child has no control over the responsiveness of others and will make adjustments in their own expectations depending on that responsiveness or lack of it.
