ABSTRACT
Feelings of deprivation, rage and revenge can spiral. Knowing of such hostile feelings makes us hateful to ourselves and, we will fear, to those we also love. Such a struggle between loving feelings and hateful ones is an inevitable part of our human condition, however responsive the environment. A parent who is depressed or overwhelmed is not able to be emotionally responsive; a mother or father who is fragile might find their baby’s protest too hurtful and withdraw, collapse or lash out. Without such moments of reassuring lively contact, there is no safe space for the baby’s angry frustration and demands as a part of a passionate interchange. When hateful and envious feelings seem too dangerous, it is possible to inhibit all such feelings – and then have little access to anger, aggression or selfishness, which might be helpful. Bringing bad feelings into an analysis can be an important part of finding ourselves more fully.
