ABSTRACT
This chapter presents some notions about the creative process using author himself as the subject of inquiry. The ideas presented are expounded by describing the development of his own paintings, which he made over a span of nearly thirty years. The main idea is that destructiveness in its various forms is an intrinsic part of the creative process. Something destructive was at work, blowing apart the creative coupling between painting and music. However, there was playfulness more than destructiveness in author’s attempts to loosen up the frame—like a toddler who wants to get away from mother, but needs to keep her in sight. The first kind of destructiveness, more related to envious attacks, finds its way into the content of author’s own paintings, which has been especially illustrated by the abstract landscapes depicting the inside of the mother's body. As for the second kind, perhaps the term "ruthlessness" best expresses what Spielrein meant by destructiveness.
