ABSTRACT
This case presentation explores the reciprocal “knowing” that developed between a European-born gay male patient and his older American heterosexual female analyst. The differences between them suggested the chasms that had to be bridged in order for the knowing of self and other to occur that defines psychoanalysis. Oliver initially seemed candid and open, grieving a partner lost to a weekend drugs-and-sex binge; soon, however, it became clear that he was guarded and constricted, alienated from his own internal processes and frightened by his feelings. Extremely focused on sex, unable to make sense of his moods, his ongoing romantic relationship with someone who was not a satisfactory sexual partner was a major problem to him. The analyst’s ongoing consultative relationship with a gay male colleague helped to deepen the analytic process.
