ABSTRACT
In this chapter, the author refers to loss in the everyday life of couples, experienced at an unconscious level, which may not involve the loss of an actual external object but rather the loss, for example, of a mutual understanding which might – or might not – be triggered by actual events. It is proposed that the experience of falling in love is based on a foundational myth that creates a union of two subjectivities who believe they share the same beliefs about their union. This illusory quality of this narcissistic foundation of their coupledom, is based in the belief of their mutual representation of their link, whereby they feel that they share everything, including a past, a history, an origin, values, traditions, memories, and a sense of reciprocity. When differences which cannot be processed enter the relationship, there is a sense of loss of this supposedly shared representation. As a consequence, their link identity collapses leading to psychodynamic vicissitudes akin to melancholia. These ideas are illustrated by reference to Harold Pinter’s play Night and the film 45 Years.
