ABSTRACT
My PhD research critically explored domestic and international policy spheres involving Korean aid. My ‘insiderness’ as a Korean national – while aiding me to obtain broad access to field data – tended to cause dilemmas and anxieties in writing and publishing critical research in the English language that would be accessible to both Koreans and foreigners. I was concerned that my analysis might be humiliating to the Korean government (keen to raise its international profile through foreign aid) and disempowering to my informants in the government and NGOs. As a junior researcher and potential jobseeker, I struggled with conflicting desires to actively publish my work for my future career, while also fearing dissemination of certain parts of my research findings. Despite my efforts to handle these positionality challenges in a conscientious manner, I was often drawn to the ideas of self-censorship as a matter of self-defence and due to my sentiments of allegiance to the nation.
