ABSTRACT
Rick barrels into my consulting room like a boxer into the ring. As he moves forward with his shaved head down, his shoulders hunched up, and his hands curled into fists, I cannot help thinking how apt this metaphor is. His life is a constant fight. His experience as a soldier deployed in a number of combat zones has left him unable to live a normal life among civilians. He displays all the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); he is hyper-vigilant, always on his guard against danger. Except that nowadays he can no longer discern the difference between the sound of gunshots and the far less dangerous fireworks used to herald in the New Year. The fireworks, among other less obvious things, “trigger” him into flashbacks. Flashbacks, unlike memories that can be talked about as if telling a story, are an embodied experience of the old trauma as if it were happening right in this instance. For Rick, this means he is back in the war zone, fighting for his life. He literally has his enemy before his eyes, hears the sounds, smells the acrid smoke, can feel the grit between his teeth. Another metaphor that comes to mind is frozen peas; when the peas are unfrozen, they thaw to be as green and fresh 140as on the day they were picked. The trauma is frozen in his body, but when unfrozen (triggered) is as acute as the first experience. He is paranoid about strangers coming to the door of his house and sleeps on the couch every night in readiness to protect his wife if needs be. He has withdrawn from other people entirely because he feels he is a danger to them should they inadvertently cause a flashback by laughing in a particular way or touching him, both of which are triggers. In short, his physical and psychological integrity are compromised.
