ABSTRACT
The desire to separate had, in part, been an attempt to deny seeing the other as a failure and to avoid being perceived as a failure by the other. Gradually, Graham began to explore whether his identification in the pornography was with the “being done to” and “up for anything” aspect, the recipient, not the perpetrator of the acts. This was a focus of exploration for several sessions, and on one occasion of thinking about whom he identified with in a particular image, he rather abruptly associated to a memory. The use of Internet pornography in an increasingly casual manner is common. The kind of pornography chosen, the meaning ascribed to it by one or other of the couple, the way it is accessed, engaged with, and related to, are all significant and require exploration. Through depression, Graham became angry, an expected phase of mourning loss and trauma. He continued to use Internet pornography, but felt increasingly uncomfortable with it.
