ABSTRACT
The hegemony of gender in theorizing sexuality has made sexual orientation the principal organizer of erotic experience. This chapter argues that subjective experiences of difference are no less central to same-sex desire and that, in gay and straight contexts alike, defensive forms of complementarity often wreak havoc with the capacity to love. Thus, in both culture and psychoanalysis, heterosexuality is construed as the eroticization of difference, and homosexuality the eroticization of likeness. Stuart's ability to experience desire and sexual gratification was severely restricted by his need to protect himself from anxiety and shame from men whom he admired and no doubt desired on an unconscious level. In a homophobic and heterosexist culture, the experiences of shame and narcissistic vulnerability are core to the lives of men who offend gender through their expression of same-sex desire.
