ABSTRACT
In optimal development, a child is brought up in a family that respects the child’s needs and natural vulnerabilities. Even if the parents do not fully understand the child’s oral striving and the inherent mix of hostility, love, greed, and giving that children exhibit, they can respect these feelings. Acknowledgement, respect, and curiosity on the care-givers’ part leave a sense of being wanted and feeling safe and fulfilled in the child’s developing ego. If the analyst respects the patient’s day-to-day display of envy, despair, altruism, desire, competition, and so forth, and appreciates it all with curiosity, the patient usually feels cared for and is able to continue exploring him/herself in a vulnerable and honest manner. A case example, 'Mr E', shows how one such patient grappled with his phantasies of loss, judgement, and attack. In the early stages of treatment, he tried to protect himself from these dangers by being super self-sufficient and independent.
