ABSTRACT
Many survivors of abuse will have tried to make themselves invisible—either as a boy desperately trying to escape the objectifying, violent gaze of his abusers, or as a man seeking to erase any shaming signs of assault and rape from the sight of others. Being seen is irrevocably connected with attachment, the forging of an alliance in which trauma can be brought, understood, and processed. When sexual abuse by staff or other children follows, making new attachment figures unsafe, a defensive and protective encapsulation of the self may be acquired; the true identity of the person then remains hidden. It seems to be the case that men’s experiences of sexual abuse are not identified by them as their primary reason for seeking therapeutic help. Eye contact both decodes and encodes communication. It is an immensely intimate form of interaction and implies the creative of intersubjectivity, a real “seeing eye to eye”.
