chapter  Eight
16 Pages

The grief of regret allowing commitment in marriage in the man: the case of Oscar

WithSusan Kavaler-Adler

Sarah and Oscar found a deep sense of spiritual and emotional commitment to their marriages through the transformational crucible of existential regret, which was precipitated by an extramarital affair. Oscar's psychotherapy had taught him how to grieve. Oscar grieved the acute grief of regret. In finding a home within themselves through the grief process, they found a home in their marriages and renowned their sexuality in that sphere of love. Oscar's ability to consciously face his regret over injuring his last girlfriend, through an active mourning process in which he faced the grief of all his regrets with women, helped him to commit more fully than he ever had before to Caroline. Oscar's guilt was to blossom into a full-blown regret that would help him recommit to his wife, and to commit fully ever. Oscar confessed his guilt and began to sob with the grief over his regret, the entire psychic picture changed for him.