ABSTRACT
During our first session, and in many that followed, she retracted from me. I used to look at her and she seemed to move uncomfortably; as if she could not swallow me. I wanted her to swallow me, to chew and take me in and secrete me and perhaps I would become of different matter. It did not happen. She did allow me to diffuse into her, and change her some; a tiny bit. I did something to her rigid structure, I reckon. I saw her softening over the years, allowing me to enter into her; very slowly. Entering her was painful, perhaps most painful of all. Each time she shared herself with me I would collapse. The thought that she exposed her fine capillaries for my sake was terrifying. “Don’t do it!” I shouted from inside. I felt that she sold fine pieces of her own flesh in order to heal me. It must have been so difficult for her, I thought, and I needed it so. These were my significant stepping stones: when she let me into her life. This is when I understood how deeply I needed her; how I needed her to let me into herself. Allowing me into her guarded and protected world, opening this window, was also a metaphoric entry into her 58body; and all I wanted was to cuddle as a foetus within a nourishing body, her nourishing body.
