ABSTRACT
People in Dharmnagri and Jhakri often raised topics of conversation that we had been diffident about initiating because they seemed too close to the voyeuristic. Wife beating was one such, sex was another. On numerous occasions, Patricia was asked how often Roger beat her and on what pretext. “No one here escapes a beating,” was the common refrain if she asked further about it. Men, too, would bring up the subject with Roger, asserting that it was a necessary and legitimate part of men’s means of controlling their wives. Again, especially in 1982, women were fascinated by our sleeping arrangements and often heartily criticized us because our young daughters slept in a separate room. “What?” Patricia was continually asked, “Do you prefer your husband to your daughters?” And then someone would almost certainly ask Patricia how often Roger caused her “trouble” [taklīf, pareshānī] by demanding sex. Yet despite this and the openly sexual references contained in many women’s songs, discussing sex much further with the women proved immensely difficult. They generally insisted that we were shameless if we tried to do so. On occasion, enquiring about the gaps between a woman’s children or asking women where they had given birth—in their husband’s home or elsewhere—would bring forth a diatribe of abuse and accusations that we would soon be asking about what happened at night. Many young men, by contrast, openly asserted that sex—like wife beating—was a key part of their repertoire to control their wives. But it was hard to go beyond this. Was it all just bravado? How did they regard their wives? We found it difficult to fathom.
