ABSTRACT
Being-in-relation takes different forms in different contexts and this chapter discusses some of them. "Caring" refers to the submissive caretaking that stereotypical women have been expected to do. That kind of caring occurs in relations with persons who are and mean to remain separate. It is different from being-in-relation. Empathy, as ordinarily understood, presupposes the distinctness and separateness of persons. Empathy involves being in tune with other persons, but that is quite different from supposing that their feelings are like one's own. Empathy in-relation requires certain strength of character. It requires autonomy, not separate autonomy but autonomy in-relation. Autonomy is thought of as a characteristic of separate persons, and so is empathy. The alternative, to choose to be openly in-relation, is completely overlaid by separateness. Ordinary language is itself infected with the assumption of separateness. Language is likely to insinuate traditional perspectives into our efforts to put our understanding of being-in-relation into words.
