ABSTRACT
S ome relationships grow out of spontaneous interactions between people; others are strategi-cally sought. In either case, relationships are normally thought of as conjunctive affairs. Their emergence and development suggest that the parties, at least to some degree, possess compatible goals, experience forms of mutuality, and coordinate their actions. Unfortunately, some relationships are disjunctive in nature, reflecting nonmutuality and a mismatching of goals and expectations. One prototypical form of disjunctive relationship occurs when two people desire different levels of connection with one another. Although relationship initiations can represent conjunctive efforts, they exhibit disjunction when one person resists and eschews the efforts of another person to (a) begin a new relationship, (b) initiate a new kind of relationship (e.g., escalate intimacy in an existing relationship), or (c) rekindle a terminated relationship. These forms of incompatibility sometimes lead to unwanted relationship pursuit, with the person who desires more connection persistently trying to get closer to the person who wants less connection (Cupach & Spitzberg, 2004a; Spitzberg & Cupach, 2001, 2002). Unwanted relationship pursuit can produce feelings of embarrassment, anger, or rejection for the pursuer. For the rejecting person, unwanted pursuit can be associated with feelings of guilt, awkwardness, annoyance, and in some cases fear. In the present chapter we explicate the phenomenon of unwanted relationship pursuit. In addition to describing its various forms, we consider the factors that motivate its persistence, and we review the manifestations and consequences of various responses to unwanted pursuit. We conclude with suggestions for advancing a research agenda on this phenomenon.
