ABSTRACT

Originally written in the 1990s, this book remains a key resource for women in heterosexual marriages who discover, or are coming to terms with, their lesbianism or bisexuality. This classic edition includes a new foreword from Ann Northrop—veteran journalist, activist, and co-host of Gay USA—that reflects on the changes in language, intersectionality, and understandings of gender since first publication.

Celebrating 25 years since first publication, this book shares the author’s personal story, as well as the descriptive experience of others, to provide validation and empowerment to multitudes of women in their search for their true identities. The author gives women ways in which to structure and restructure their lives and their families after they realize their samegender sexuality. Chapters consider questions such as how women make this discovery, reactions from loved ones, and the outcomes for marriages and families. Updated throughout with contemporary understandings of sexuality and gender, as well as updated language, this book includes a wealth of information, fresh narratives, and stories offering insight into women’s experiences across the country.

This is an essential read for women and their partners who are discovering their true identity, as well as therapists, helping professionals, and students of women’s studies, gender studies, sexuality studies, and LGBTQ+ studies programs.

part One|53 pages

The Discovery

chapter Chapter 1|19 pages

Awakening

chapter Chapter 2|13 pages

What Am I?

chapter Chapter 3|17 pages

What Now?

part Two|62 pages

A New Life

chapter Chapter 4|11 pages

Do I Tell My Husband or Not?

chapter Chapter 5|16 pages

The Husbands

chapter Chapter 6|15 pages

What Do the Kids Think?

chapter Chapter 7|16 pages

Coming Out to Friends and Family

part Three|74 pages

Options

chapter Chapter 8|22 pages

The Reality of Marriage

chapter Chapter 9|9 pages

Redefined Marriages

chapter Chapter 10|11 pages

New Kinds of Relationships Including Polyamorous Ones

chapter Chapter 11|15 pages

The Single Lovers of Married Women

chapter Chapter 12|12 pages

Labeling

No Longer So Simple

part Four|62 pages

Selfhood

chapter Chapter 13|19 pages

Sexual Intimacy

chapter Chapter 14|14 pages

New Beginnings

chapter Chapter 15|14 pages

What Does “Transgender” Mean?

chapter Chapter 16|12 pages

Then and Now or Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

part Five|23 pages

More Women's Stories

chapter Chapter 17|21 pages

More Women's Stories