ABSTRACT

Manfred Kets de Vries wears many “hats”—psychoanalyst, executive coach, consultant, management educator, researcher, writer—but he has noticed that whichever hat he is wearing, every question he is asked boils down to one thing: “How can I live a well-lived life?”

Over many years of practice in all these disciplines, Professor Kets de Vries has realized the unsurpassed value of stories in tackling human dilemmas and providing answers to this question. The book is, therefore, one of the most important books he has written for coaches, students, leaders, managers, educators—or anyone seeking a more reflective text to guide them through the multitude of questions that we face in work and in life.  He draws on a long literary tradition of the unexpected encounter with a wise “other,” fantastic or magical—think The Little Prince, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, The Once and Future King, the Harry Potter novels—to animate an exploration of the deepest questions and concerns of human beings. He constructs an extended Socratic dialogue between his two “selves”; the first a naïve traveler, lost in the Siberian wilderness, and the second a reflective avatar who comes to his aid. The avatar takes the form of a “kabouter,” a familiar figure in Dutch folklore whose counterpart can be found in different cultures around the world and throughout centuries of storytelling.

Through stories, riddles, and puzzles, the kabouter challenges the traveler to question and reflect upon his life and values, guiding him—and readers—toward the insights that will help them achieve a life well lived.

part |34 pages

Day One

chapter 1|8 pages

Walking in Circles

chapter 2|4 pages

The Open Mind

chapter 3|4 pages

The Sound of the Hand

chapter 4|4 pages

Deep Listening

chapter 5|6 pages

Look Beneath the Surface

chapter 6|3 pages

Beyond Appearances

chapter 7|3 pages

The Golden Rule

part |42 pages

Day Two

chapter 8|4 pages

Making Promises

chapter 9|3 pages

Integrity

chapter 10|4 pages

Hypocrisy

chapter 11|6 pages

Greed

chapter 12|4 pages

Selfishness

chapter 13|4 pages

Giving Versus Taking

chapter 14|5 pages

Hubris

chapter 15|5 pages

Liars

chapter 16|5 pages

What's All this Gossip about Gossip?

part |12 pages

Day Three

chapter 17|4 pages

The Streetlight Effect

chapter 18|6 pages

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

part |39 pages

Day Four

chapter 19|4 pages

Ritualization

chapter 20|6 pages

Anger

chapter 21|4 pages

Compromise

chapter 22|5 pages

Deal with Your Neuroses

chapter 23|5 pages

Dreaming

chapter 24|3 pages

Daydreaming

chapter 25|3 pages

Transference

chapter 26|4 pages

Paradoxical Intervention

chapter 27|3 pages

Courage

part |48 pages

Day Five

chapter 28|4 pages

Encouragement

chapter 29|5 pages

Good Judgment

chapter 30|4 pages

Sexual Desire

chapter 31|5 pages

Staying Grounded

chapter 32|5 pages

Self-Care

chapter 33|5 pages

Self-Compassion

chapter 34|4 pages

Carpe Diem

chapter 35|4 pages

Education

chapter 36|4 pages

Hope

chapter 37|6 pages

The Expiry Date