ABSTRACT
The wonderful thing about lying in bed is that it gives you time to think and ponder over your past life. My mother used to come and visit me and bring me these boudoir biscuits – I called them sponge fingers – but they’re boudoir biscuits. I’ll just show you what it’s like to lie in bed surrounded by biscuit crumbs – it’s really horrible. Anyway I did get better. I got better than I’d ever been in the long run. I felt absolutely wonderful. So much better. And I got pregnant again. And this time I wasn’t going to go into hospital, as I’d had such a bad time. So I had this baby at home – which was quite frightening but it was so romantic. I got the house really spotless. I remember my sister when she was pregnant scrubbing floors and I thought she was loopy. I was in the bath and I’d started labour. I noticed a spot on the floor and I said, ’Andrew, look, there’s a spot on the floor.’ And he just rushed and got the vacuum cleaner. He wouldn’t do that now, but he knew how I felt. It was very romantic – with classical music – we spent the night in the living room and we’d planned to have the baby in the bedroom. But carrying a baby – it’s very heavy. I’ll demonstrate. And I didn’t reach the bed. I had the baby on the floor just by the bed – and it was on the one rug that I hadn’t cleaned. And I was quite worried about that. And we had a baby boy which was marvellous and just what we wanted. A beautiful boy. As soon as I was alright, I told them to put the rug in the bath and give it a wash. I’d been told that camomile tea is a very good thing to have around, but I prefer good strong tea with just a little sugar in it. (Opens flask of tea, drinks and throws contents of cup on to sheet.) It’s extraordinary. It doesn’t make much impression on the image. It’s the same as the stout! Then, there we were with our boy and our girl – supposedly a perfect family. I feel so ashamed but I got, well, post-natal depression. I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. I was lucky though. I joined a post-natal depression group and got better quite quickly. There’s something so therapeutic about being in a group with people in the same position. My theory, that no professional has queried, is that depression is connected to anger and I was certainly very angry by this stage. That’s why I love this bit. I think it’s my best bit! I want to make these really strong marks with the black treacle. (Starts pouring treacle from two tins.)
Isn’t that stunning! It’s so powerful! I had a tutor. You know, I trained as a painter. He used to say just when you’ve finished a painting, add some black to it. Now, perhaps, I see the point. It used to be very irritating – but it’s not only black. It’s a very dark brown. You can see this very fine line. I could go on for hours. But as it’s TV I have to keep the pace going. I’ll just do one more line. A little bit later you’ll see these lines feather into the stout. It’s quite stunning. Anyway, I don’t want to go on too much. I got better – I was fine – and as I came to my senses – I realised we were in considerable trouble what with me being ill or having babies. I became a working mother. I went out to earn money. I was very skilled and experienced at minding the house, looking after the children. I find it very odd, but at that stage we were very ambitious and we used to do a lot of entertaining on a rather grand scale. It seems quite extraordinary. I wouldn’t dream of doing it now. So I’m going to show you one of my recipes. I’m going to do this carefully now. (Starts breaking and separating eggs into two bowls.) So, you know, when you separate the yolk from the white, you should do this one by one. I’ve broken one there and I could have ruined everything. If you get any yolk into your white you can ruin the whole recipe. And I’ve got so much on my mind. I’m hoping that the children are in bed and whether Andrew got them in the bath. So, I shout up the stairs. ‘Andrew, have you got those children in the bath?!’ The guests might be coming soon. Unfortunately, I should really do this over hot water properly. A bit of strong spirits to pop in there and a lot of sugar. I don’t need to measure it as I’m very skilled. You beat this over hot water for a long time and you get this exquisite pale yellow thick cream. You won’t get it today. If you imagine this as thick, luscious, smooth. It’s a very beautiful yellow cream. But I haven’t got time. I need my sugar over here. (Runs round to other side of sheet with egg whites and sugar, squats down next to electric whisk.) I’m going to do my whites. I wonder if you can see this, if I do it over here. Of course it would be far too long to get a really true white. (Starts electric whisk.) I find this very soothing, mesmerising even. About halfway through you put in the sugar. This is where you are going to get a peak. Exquisite, so pure!
