ABSTRACT
What brings about the resolution of grief? According to the poet William Lisle Bowles, it is the passing of time, reflecting the phrase that time is a healer. It is commonly believed that it is not time itself that is the healer but some process which occurs during this time. As indicated in the previous chapter, most scientific and medical accounts are in no doubt as to what this process involves. The concept of grief work implies that a change over time leading to resolution can only be achieved through a long and difficult process of confronting thoughts of the loss, and that there are no easy routes or short cuts. Keeping thoughts of the deceased out of mind, whether by drugs, distraction or willpower, only delays the inevitable, which is to face up to the loss, to go over and over it in the mind and to unburden oneself by talking to others. Cobb and Lindemann (1943:819) wrote: ‘It seems that the grieving person can delay his grieving period but not avoid it.’ Sanders (1989) stated that it is ‘detrimental to
O time! who know’st a lenient hand to lay Softest on sorrow’s wound, and slowly thence (Lulling to sad repose the weary sense) The faint pang stealest unperceived away; On thee I rest my only hope at last, And think, when thou hast dried the bitter tear That flows in vain o’er all my soul held dear, I may look back on every sorrow past, And meet life’s peaceful evening with a smile: As some lone bird, at day’s departing hour, Sings in the sunbeam, of the transient shower Forgetful, though its wings are wet the while:- Yet ah! how much must this poor heart endure, Which hopes from thee, and thee alone, a cure!
