ABSTRACT
A distinctive characteristic of the traditional couple requesting relationship counseling is that the relationship upset is experienced primarily by the woman. Her feelings are markers reflecting the rigidity of the power imbalance and gender restrictions in the relationship. The wife ‘wears the symptom’ as gender stereotyping dictates that she express the emotions for both partners. The husband usually denies having personal problems, projecting them on to his wife through criticism and blame. He may experience signs of physical stress, or avoid dealing with conflict through alcoholism, workaholism, or escape into affairs. By wearing the relationship problems she increases her vulnerability to his power manipulations and decreases her self-esteem. The husband may refuse therapy, or refuse to make changes, charging that she is making a fuss about nothing. A woman in this situation can feel quite desperate, since nothing she does or says seems to move him. But it is precisely this lack of influence that is at the root of their relationship problem.
