ABSTRACT
Conflict happens. No intimate relationship is completely free of conflict. Conflict occurs when one persons actions or goals interfere with—or are perceived to interfere with—the actions or goals of the other person.1 No matter how compatible two people are, they will never have exactly the same needs, goals, preferences, and desires; their interests will collide. Differences are nothing less than the source of the individuality we value so. As novelist E. M. Forster (1910/1998) put it, it is our “eternal differences” that add “color, sorrow perhaps, but color in the daily gray” of family life. From biology to economics, the inevitable conflicts that arise from differences are theorized to provide an impetus for growth, change, and transformation. This is equally true in the context of interpersonal relationships: conflict with others has the potential to lead to personal growth, increases in closeness, and new depths of self and relational understanding. It will come as no surprise, however, that the process of interpersonal conflict is Janus-faced; conflict processes can be transformative and constructive or the opposite—destructive and debilitating.2 Conflict between intimates can lead to hurt, pain, distance, and even annihilation (see also Simpson & Tran, this volume).
