ABSTRACT
Being on the receiving end of criticism (even if it’s well intentioned) can touch a raw nerve or leave you feeling vulnerable. As we have argued in other chapters of this book, it’s not the situation itself (in this case, being criticised) that determines how you feel, but how you think about the situation or criticism. For example:
You may protest that you didn’t want to feel hurt and wouldn’t seek something you didn’t want; therefore, her criticism of you caused you to feel hurt. This argument is often called the common sense view of
emotional causation (more colloquially, ‘the bleedin’ obvious’) or A-C thinking (events or others determine our emotional reactions). We would argue differently. You can think of yourself at B as a gatekeeper: you choose what to keep out or let in. Instead of rejecting her criticism you allow it in; then you have another choice regarding how you’re going to process her comments (for example, re ect on what she said to see if there’s any truth in it and what your measured response will be, or bridle with indignation that your character has been attacked).
