ABSTRACT
Before moving on to explore their interactions with others within and outside the online paedophile community, it is worth looking at what respondents wrote about another aspect of their interior life – their fantasies. In this chapter, two main aspects are examined. The first of these concerns the ‘triggers’ in the external world which the respondents experienced as sexually attractive. In the main questionnaire, I asked (after asking what age-range respondents found attractive) ‘What is it about this age group that most attracts you?’ My aim was to try to tease out the perceived aspects of physical attractiveness (smooth skin and so on) from the perceived aspects of psychological attractiveness (open, trusting and suchlike qualities). There were also aspects of social attributes, such as playfulness and curiosity, which are shared with adults but which are more likely to be encouraged or accepted in children. Alongside these aspects of real children, I wanted to know about the idealised
children in respondents’ minds, and the scenarios which they played out in fantasy. The questions I asked in the main questionnaire were ‘Do you have fantasies concerning relationships with children? If so, how often? What happens in these fantasies? When you have these fantasies, how do you respond? What do you do?’ The rationale behind this flurry of rather probing questions was to try to find out (without asking incriminating questions) the ways in which individuals might link their sexual fantasy with action in the real world. Some respondents waxed extremely lyrical on these subjects and literally wrote pages. Others were more curt, giving answers of just a few words. Given the context of a written questionnaire, which can appear quite cold and clinical as well as intrusive, I was not surprised that some respondents declined to go into any details. I was all the more pleased, therefore, that some respondents made such an effort to explain their inner lives.
