ABSTRACT
These issues arise out of ‘disagreement over what should be.’8 People often talk about ‘lifestyle clashes’ as causes of conflict. What is at issue here are competing values about how life should be lived. Neighbours may disapprove of unmarried couples, of single-parent families, of child-rearing practices different from their own, of different sexualities from their own, and many other less central elements of how people live their lives. Conflict can arise as people’s sense of what is right and wrong is offended by the actions or inactions of their neighbour. Noise caused by children playing together may be interpreted as indicating a lack of common values about peace and quiet. Developing a jaundiced view of one’s neighbour as a result of such a value clash, will of course add to the likelihood of a clash of perceptions about what is going on. Where one party sees noisy brats who are out of control, the other sees joyful and exuberant children. Values can cause problems for mediators, who are not there to pass judgment on the differing values of the parties.9 If the parties do not recognise any shared values and oppose each other’s views of the future, it is difficult for negotiation to begin. Sometimes, however, the actual process of mediation can play a part in challenging the rigidity of people’s values.
