ABSTRACT
Jim and Jean were a couple in their mid 30s who sought help at a university mental health clinic because their 8-year-old son, Peter, was becoming increasingly defiant and aggressive. The therapists concluded that differences in Jim and Jean’s parenting styles were contributing to their son’s behavior problems: Jean, who took primarily responsibility for disciplining Peter, tended to be permissive, whereas Jim was quite strict. Jean thought that Jim was too hard on Peter and would often soften the consequences that Jim had levied. The therapists began meeting regularly with the couple to improve their ability to work together in parenting Peter. However, after several sessions little change in their behavior had occurred. It became apparent that tension in their marriage made it difficult for them to parent effectively together. Their relationship lacked emotional closeness, and attempts to address their differences often resulted in angry fights. The focus of therapy changed to their marriage, and Jean and Jim worked for months to address feelings of hurt and disappointment that they had experienced in their relationship and to change destructive patterns of relating to each other. Over time, they began to communicate more effectively and to support each other emotionally, and only then did they begin to exhibit the parenting skills and strategies that had been discussed early in therapy.
