ABSTRACT
Boys learn about sex without really being taught about it. In school locker rooms and playgrounds, in furtive conversations in corridors, and on the way home from school, adolescent boys are struggling to learn the rules for becoming a man and at the same time are becoming aware of their emerging sexualities. In my boys’ groups I have noticed the tension that exists around a desire to talk about sexual issues, together with a compulsion to shock and demonstrate knowledge to both myself and to each other. There is a teasing, tentative coyness mixed with aggressive humour as issues around sexuality are debated. The aggressive humorous approach is fulfilled by the mass of disinformation with which boys learn the sexual mores of their culture. It shows itself in the false sense of certainty that accompanies their utterances, and in the swagger and the bravado with which they embody their remarks. Seated or standing, the aggressive thrust of ‘I’m going to grab her and ride her on the settee’, implies that there can be no doubts about the vigorous, manly sexuality of the boy who speaks these words.
