ABSTRACT
Both seeing and being seen are important aspects of narcissism. Self-consciousness, which is always a feature of narcissism, becomes acute when a patient loses the protection of a narcissistic relationship and is obliged to tolerate a degree of separateness. Having felt hidden and protected, he now feels conspicuous and exposed to a gaze that makes him vulnerable to humiliation. This experience can feel devastating and unbearable, particularly if it is felt to arise in retaliation to the patient’s own use of gaze to establish a superior position from which he could look down on others. In this chapter I describe how the need to avoid or cut short such humiliation may be so acute that the patient is unable to deal with guilt and other emotions connected with loss, which might otherwise be bearable. This will impede his development unless he receives the support he needs to understand his humiliation and hence tolerate it better.
