ABSTRACT
At first glance, a chapter on social exclusion may seem out of place in a book about the self. In today’s America, the self is often considered to be a solitary entity. Those knowledgeable in pop psychology sometimes say, “I feel good about myself and I don’t care what anyone else thinks” or “Children should be encouraged to have high self-esteem no matter what they do.” In spite of the brave face put on by this odd cultural construction, however, most of us admit that we do care about what others think. We actively seek out social relationships and often become mentally or physically unwell when we are lonely and isolated (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). Our self-esteem suffers when others evaluate us negatively (Leary, Tambor, Terdal, & Downs, 1995). People who have high self-esteem are also high in communal traits, such as being moral and getting along well with others. People who aren’t very nice, but rate themselves high in other areas like intellectual and athletic ability, are narcissists, not those merely high in self-esteem (Campbell, Rudich, & Sedikides, 2002).
