ABSTRACT
Adults often experience their greatest immaturity within marriage. The immaturity expresses itself in efforts to change the spouse, criticism, put-downs, belligerence, defensiveness, withdrawal, passivity, over helpfulness, and/or irresponsibility. These patterns of reactivity are driven by lack of a well-defined self, an oversensitivity to the spouse, and dependence on the spouse for one’s well-being. These patterns generate discomfort ranging from mild frustration to rage or despair. One instinctual response for managing these inevitable emotional states within a marriage is triangling— moving toward a third party to reduce the discomfort in self (Bowen, 1978; Kerr and Bowen, 1988; Papero, 1990). Triangling manifests in thoughts or fantasies about others, feelings for others, or behavior toward others. Common third parties in marriages are children, families of origin, affairs, friends, and community helpers.
