We were lucky

One of the most recurrent themes of disaster victims is: “We were lucky.” Whatever they may have lost, they stress how much worse it could have been and how much more someone else has suffered. ³²⁰ This insistence on having been lucky is, again, perhaps distinctively American. Americans, as I have indicated earlier, have a strong aversion against putting themselves in a dependent or helpless position. Even to appear in any way at a disadvantage is painful. One should be able to feel at all times that one is in at least as good shape as the next fellow. ³²¹ To present oneself as suffering, as an object for pity, is evidently to admit that one is less well off than others or even to seem to be appealing for help. This is incompatible with self-esteem. The preferred attitude is: no one needs to feel sorry for me—I’m all right. The term “sympathy” is often equated with “pity.” One wards off the sympathy of others, which implies that one is unfortunate, as if it were an offense.