ABSTRACT
Unresolved, unspoken, bottled-up feelings we have about other people (sometimes known as unfinished business) and bad endings we have had can weigh heavily. Such feelings do not simply go away. They can cause pain whenever we bring these people to mind. When someone has been really close at some time and then we have a bad ending, it’s rare we can say to ourselves a simple ‘good riddance’ with a light heart. Unexpressed hurt, rage, resentment, guilt and so on can add to the painful load we feel. For many of us the unfinished business will be about an array of friends, relatives and partners. We can also have unfinished business in terms of unexpressed positive feelings like love or warmth and unexpressed appreciations. These also can weigh heavily, particularly if the person is ill or elderly and we are left with the prospect of maybe not saying these important things in a letter or to their face before they die. As Korb says, “Incomplete experiences draw energy away from present functioning, thus inhibiting the ability of the individual to participate fully in present experiences” (Korb et al., 2002). Sometimes, the tension of too much unfinished business can result in anxiety or depression or another mental health issue, sometimes through bodily ailments such as ulcers, asthma, skin complaints or stomach complaints (see The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, 2015).
